Being an almost stay at home mom has been getting to me. While my job has been picking up at a slow, tortoise like pace, it has not been enough to ward off this incessant boredom and the overwhelming feeling of being smothered. I feel like a fire that is being extinguished against its will. Despite all of my attempts to burn strong, my kids are a wet blanket that never lets up. The very fact that I just came up with such a metaphor only adds to my point: I need a fucking break.
Despite my efforts, I have not found a real consistent community of other moms (other than a few acquaintances here and there) who are “normal” that I can spend time with on the days that I am home. Other than my kids, I am in isolation. It is oppressive as hell. I don’t know how women in history did it. Those women had 10 kids and made home cooked meals in a 3 bedroom house, for God’s sake. Maybe the difference is that those women had a support system.
I have to look for the little things in life to keep me going. Until last week, that is, when I had an awesome day. I made the girls breakfast, certain that the day would be typical and generally unfulfilling. I sat the girls down at the table and returned to the kitchen to clean up when Ruby yelled, “MOM! There’s something weird in my pampake!” I called from the kitchen, “Is it Jesus?” There was a long pause. “Um, no.”
We were ahead of our usual schedule and were heading out to attend a program at the Minneapolis Central Library called ‘Childish Films.’ It is a presentation of animated shorts for kids. Ruby loves it. It is always very artfully put together, which keeps me from groaning to myself throughout the show.
As we were leaving the event I was still restless. I kept thinking to myself, If I go home and sit around the house with the kids I will lose my fucking mind. I turned on the radio just as they announced that it was National Record Store Day. There were various events going on around town to celebrate. My favorite record store is the Electric Fetus. It just so happened that there was a line up of live music going on in the store all afternoon. Two Harbors, a local band that is fairly popular around town was playing. One of my neighbors is in the band and I have been meaning to see them play for some time but have never gotten around to it. Perfect. That is one problem solved.
As we pulled around the corner I was met with lines and lines of cars. I wasn’t going to walk miles to get into a crowded store. I began thinking about alternate plans when someone pulled out of their premium parking spot, 3 feet from the door. Nice! Ruby said to me, “Look at all those people! Mom, What are you’re doing?” I replied, “I’m just gonna to parallel this thing like a boss.” For the second time that day, she did not find me amusing.
My neighbor’s band was tearing down when we got there, but a great local band called The Premiums was up next. The girls and I hung around for the show. I threw my name in a drawing for something or other. The sign said, MUST BE PRESENT TO WIN. We would be leaving soon but what the hell? I have an extensive history of having my name drawn for stuff. Just as I dropped my name into the jar an employee grabbed batch of names and headed to the microphone. It was then that Ruby looked at me and said, “Mom. I have to go bathroom.” I looked at her and asked, “Can you hold it for a couple of minutes? They are just about to call Mommy’s name.” Ruby thought about it and nodded. She could wait.
Minutes later, my name was called. I had won two tickets to the Basilica Block Party, an outdoor concert that takes place in Minneapolis every year. The tickets came with a pair of cheap, black plastic Basilica Block Party sunglasses. They came in a box with a nice gold bow. Ruby’s eyes got big at the looks of a present and asked, “What is it, mom?!” I replied, “Why, it’s a major award!”
Again, nothing.
The weather that day was beautiful. I was getting hot in my sweater and decided to buy a t shirt. I’m apparently skinny these days because I was down a size, another sign of a good day. After changing we headed outside and I bought the girls lunch from a food truck. The best part is after all of the action and commotion, the kids got home and napped like they had never napped before while I laid in my hammock and read in the sunshine.
Today everything has returned to normal. I awoke to our reckless Juneau falling down the stairs and Ruby demanding more than I could give at any one moment. I have to remind myself to breathe. To stay mentally sane, I continue to make sarcastic comments that only amuse me.
“Mom, what are we are gonna do today?”
“Same thing we do everyday, Ruby. Try and take over the world.”
My Doula Oblongata 